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IPOD - odhalení

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-- Konečně se mi podařilo najít, co ten iPOD ve skutečnosti je The iPod is the well known fruit of the iTree. The iTree grows mainly in iChina and iTaiwan, but can also be found in parts of iRaq. It is what Cream of Wheat is made out of and stuff. Harvesting iPods is a very successful industry, but has lead to MTE (Massive Tree Extinction) in most parts of Southeast iAsia and iRaq. However, there are many organisations to prevent MTE in other areas, the most successful being the HHH (Happy-land Habitat Hawareness) Programme, which maintains a 2 sq mile area of iTrees in the southern areas of Happy-land. The iTree was first discovered, and cultivated by none other than Steve Jobs which has helped him take over Apple and launch the lucrative range of iPod MP3 players. He has been able to breed the first generation of iTrees to produce fatter and juicier fruits, and even to produce new fruit such as the iPod Nano, grown using the lost art of iBonsai.CHARACTERISTICS:The iTree grows mainly in the Cheap-Labour Areas of Chinese Sweatshops, preferring the damp climates of those areas. Unfortunately they are prone to getting waterlogged, which causes them to short circuit and explode. This unfortunately is fatal to anyone who happens to be standing nearby at the time. I mean it! Lithium batteries are shit. The iTree itself grows straight and tall, and grows its fruit all year round, and doesn't have any flowers. This is because it is able to produce fertile fruit through some clever self pollinating during the growth of the fruit. The fruit itself, the iPod, is rectangular shaped, with a hard metallic white shell and a grey square near the top (or bottom) of the fruit. It is attached to the iTree via its headphones, which it can also use to defend itself- by playing The Buggles very loud !!! It defends itself by emitting extremely bad music such as the The Buggles and Nightwish which causes the animal attempting to eat the iPod to go mad, before its ear drums burst rendering it deaf. The only animals that can eat the iPod are the Bolivian tree llama and the giant rabid sloth due to their ability to seal their ears against the terrible music emanating from the iPod. Unfortunately the grey square is the weak point in the shell of the iPod, which is exploited by the Bolivian tree llamas to gain access to the juicy insides.(mmm, Lithium Ion juice....mmmm tasty.). VARIETIES:There are several different varieties of the iPod. These are: The iPod Mini - This is just a smaller version of the iPod and therefore has a harder outer shell which can also come in different colours than white. The case is much harder than the regular iPod, but the music that is played by the iPod Mini is not as bad. It is known to have a tangy and sour taste, say those who were not fatally poisoned by it. The iPod Shuffle - This is again a smaller version of the iPod, but is longer and thinner than the iPod Mini. The casing of the iPod Shuffle only comes in white, and does not have the characteristic gray square in the middle of it. This means there is no weak point in the shell of the shuffle, and so the tree llama is unable to eat it. The iPod Nano - This is an even smaller version of the iPod, and is fatal to any creature that eats it due to its sharp edges. It also has a tendency to get stuck between the teeth, which causes great discomfort, especially when listening to Celine Dion. Coming soon to a war-torn area near you: The iK47, Useful to all people who need music (like Flight of the Valkries) while shooting people dead and don't mind Having to pay $200 for a set of rounds. "In iVietnam the iK wouldda 'bin useful, pluggen it in to the soundsystem theeere in the cheeeenuk" John Pramalter Veitnam Vet from Arkansas. One of the less successful iPod models, the IPod Invisa, is popular amongst senior citizens with severe afflictions of gout.<

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... pokračování :THE iTREE:The iTree does not get its energy for food production from light, but uses its long wire like roots to suck up the earths residual current for use in the production of glucose. This current is stored in the fruit of the iTree, the iPod, using the juicy inside of the fruit as a type of battery. This means that the iTree doesn't have to photosynthesise, so it doesn't need chloroplast, the only reason the leaves are green is due to peer-pressure from the other trees. This unfortunately can cause the tree to short circuit if it becomes too waterlogged, causing a massive surge of current which kills both the tree and anything which is within a 50m radius.HOW TO EAT AN iPOD?Don't. No, trust me, don't. They are definitely not compatible with your body's BIOS, and will result in a fatal blue screen.WHAT ARE THEY USEFUL FOR?iPods are commonly used as suppositories, which is why, if ingested, they can cause a kernel panic resulting in severe Erectile Dysfunction. Contrary to popular belief they can not be used as bricks as they are far too slippery.

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Související témata: iPod, Fruit, Odhalení, Which, Tree, Shell, Square, The Shell, iPod Nano, iPod Shuffle, White, Have, Parts, Land, Grey


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